The Giant Bacteria
Cast * Razor/Jake Clawson - Barry Gordon * T-Bone/Chance Furlong - Charles Adler * Callie Briggs – Tress MacNeille * Commander Feral – Gary Owens * Mayor Manx – Jim Cummings Guest Cast (in order of appearance): * Burke – Mark Hamill * Farmer – Mark Hamill * Dr. N. Zyme – Paul Eiding Supporting Cast (in order of appearance): * Morbulus – Jim Cummings * Ann Gora – Candi Milo * Reporter #1 – Frank Welker * Reporter #2 – Frank Welker * Dr. Viper – Frank Welker * Murray – Barry Gordon * Cameraman – Barry Gordon * Subway Motorman – Barry Gordon * Subway Passengers – ? Transcript Act One Razor: Looks like this crazy megalo think he can shreddin' these Enforcer choppers like an old scratchin' post in any refinery in Megakat City. T-Bone: Well, That guy have his eyes of in the back of his head. Razor: No excuses, 'Cause we're SWAT Kats, and we're volunteers, Uh, how about you? T-Bone: He’s doin’ a good job very far. Razor: Any ideas how do we catch that thing? T-Bone: Well, I've got a better question. What is a giant size of a blob, and it's gooey? Razor: Answer: Morbulus. T-Bone: He’s shreddin’ those Enforcer choppers! Razor: Looks like it’s up to the SWAT Kats to kick some tail! Activate this! (deploys Octopus missiles) ''Bingo! T-Bone: Locked and loaded! One Octopus Missile! Bull's eye! Sucker doesn’t even see it comin’! He suckered us! How’d you miss him, Razor the hotshot? Razor: How'd do I miss him?! Ha! That guy must have eyes in the back of his head. Crud! Whoa, he does have eyes in the back of his head! T-Bone: No excuses. Razor: (mocks) "No excuses.", Huh? (hits T-Bone with a cloth) T-Bone: Oof! Razor: Okay, big fella, get goin'! T-Bone: Aye aye, Captain! Morbulus: You’ll have to do better than that, SWAT Kats, to catch Morbulus! Or… die trying! (laughs) Razor: Looks like who wants to play canyon tag before he's goin' after the Megakat Refinery? T-Bone: So, four-eyes wants to play canyon tag, huh? Crud! He’s goin’ after the place! Razor: Can ya get after him, T-Bone? T-Bone: You bet! Head for that cloud bank! I hope it’s better than yours. Morbulus: Scratch one more refinery! Razor: Let’s see if four-eyes has eyes under his head! Bingo! Morbulus: (screams) T-Bone: What’ll it be, Mr. Razor? Dunk or deliver? Razor / T-Bone: Dunk! Morbulus: (screams) Razor: Belly flop? T-Bone: Mega-belly flop! Razor: Guess Feral and the Enforcers can handle it from here. T-Bone: You said it, sir! Feral: Keep away, Deputy Mayor! He could still be dangerous! Callie: Yes, he could be. If he was here. I guess you’ve come up empty, Commander Feral. And the SWAT Kats practically gave him to you! Feral: If they’d held Morbulus until we arrived, he’d be in custody right now! Reporters: (indistinct chatter) Ann: Mayor Manx, is this the end of what has been dubbed “The Refinery Reign of Terror?” Manx: Absolutely! The authorities have apprehended the villain! Reporters: (more indistinct chatter) Callie: Mayor Manx, I’m afraid that’s not the case… Manx: Uh, but Callie, you told me on the phone–- Feral: You were obviously misinformed. Reporter #1: Well, which is it, Commander? Do you have this wacko or don’t you? Feral: Despite our valiant efforts, the villain known as Morbulus managed to escape. Although, we believe he may have drowned in the bay. Morbulus: (laughs) No way I’m gonna rot in some Megakat City prison! Dr. Viper: I’ll put you to much better ussse than that… Razor: Wow, that was fun. 'Cause we're the SWAT Kats are gone by chalk up! T-Bone: Yeah! (He and T-Bone both take their helmets and then their masks off, becoming Jake and Chance again.) Jake: Nice flyin’. Chance: Nice shootin’. Jake: Well, buddy. Fun's over. Chance: Yeah. Jake: Okay. Back to the greasepit. Chance: Back to the greasepit? Are you kiddin'? Jake: Wow. This is Let’s see if we made the 5:00 news. Hey, there’s Feral. Chance: Guy, what a bummer. But he looks really like he hasn’t hit the litterbox in a week! Turn it up, I also need here him take credit for what we did. Reporter #2: (on TV) So you don’t have Morbulus in custody? Feral: (on TV) Due to the interference of the SWAT Kats, this is all we have of Morbulus at the moment! Jake / Chance: What?! Feral: (on TV) No one asked for their help and they allowed a dangerous criminal to escape! Jake: Sounds like he's trying to say "Escape", Chance. Looks like we will be a practically giving him a free gift package. Chance: Escape?! We practically handed Feral a gift package! (growls) Feral: (on TV) And if I ever find out who they are, I’ll–- (Chance smashes the TV before he can finish his threat) Jake: Aw, great. Morbulus is gone, so’s our TV! Chance: Yep, Don't need a stinkin' Feral at this time! Callie: I need your help, guys. This crate pinged all the way from Megakat Bay. Jake: Hey, Callie! ''(take his hat off, combs his tuft hair, holds a hand mirror, look himself, and puts his hat on) What are you doing' way out there? Callie: Oh, just kiddin'. What's your name? Jake: Callie: Didn’t you guys hear? The SWAT Kats shot down Morbulus! They were magnificent! Jake: (feigning ignorance) Yeah? Callie: They tore him right out of his plane! Jake: (pretending to be amazed) No! Callie: Yes! But somehow Commander Feral managed to lose him… Chance: Yep! Just we heard. When we had a TV, and I don't care about that rotten Feral! Callie: When do you give me some things that I want? Jake: Obviously from now on. I bet I could promising the Mayor who work's on the office. Something's inside, there's a milk. Callie: When do you think I can pick up the car? Jake: Chance’ll start on it right away. You can wait for it, Why don't you bring some milk? Callie: I really can’t. I’ve got to get back into town and help “his Honor” write his speech for tomorrow’s park dedication. Jake: Well, If you don't mind, Callie. Jake: Why? Do I rather be happy to drive you or- Callie: No need. Mayor Manx is waiting for me outside. One of the, um, “perks” of being Deputy Mayor. Thanks, Jake. Jake: Ha! Did you hear that? She’s crazy about me! Callie: (seductively) Bye, Chance! Jake: Bye, Callie! (blow kiss at her) Chance: Oh boy! It sure does Jake's loving Callie. I like it a lot! Morbulus: So, this is the secret lab of the legendary Dr. Viper. Dr. Viper: Quite an “eyeful,” isssn’t it, Morbulusss? Morbulus: Very impressive. Looks like you’ve got everything a mad scientist needs right here. Dr. Viper: Everything except the rare biochemical compound known as Katalyssst 99. Morbulus: Well, maybe I could help ya get it, Doc. Dr. Viper: Ah, we see “eye to eye,” Morbulusss. I do have need of someone to get me into Megakat Biochemical Labsss. Morbulus: Megakat Labs? Are you outta your mind?! That building’s impenetrable! Dr. Viper: Up until now! Morbulus: What? (screams) What have you done to me?! Dr. Viper: I’m letting you “help” me! (chuckles) As a living tessst tube for my new bacteria ssstrain! Morbulus: (voice horribly distorted) Noooo! Dr. Viper: Yesss! I have big plansss for you! With your help, I’ll have Katalyst 99 and the power to dessstroy Megakat City! Act Two (Jake is driving a car with Chance) Jake: Aaah, that pretty Callie. Woo. Man, she sure was so beautiful. we got these power things ready to start fixing her engine. Chance: Can I play with an engine before you finished? Jake: Chance, I can handle if I want. I've always be the commander just like Feral's. Chance: I know. What if Morbulus is becoming lunch, I would bet if I would like some Morbulus burgers with onions, and Morbulus liver, and Morbulus stew, and Morbulus salad, and Morbulus pizza pie and Morbul- Jake: (annoyed) Chance! Chance: Fine! Jake: Hmm.. Well, looks like this is it. Home sweet home. Chance: Is there a greasepit in the bistro? I like it a lot. Jake: I’m not sure using these turbo plugs on Callie’s engine is such a good idea, Chance. Chance: Turbo plugs? I say she’s gotta have extra horsepower in case of an emergency. Jake: Extra case of an emergency? No way! I say you’re gonna blow the engine. I'm the first command. Chance: I’m a pilot. I know what an engine that you can handle. And I'm the second command. See? Purrs like a kitten. Growls like a tiger! Blows like a volcano! Jake: (sighs) Motivation as preschedule. Now what’ll we tell Callie? Chance: I’ll think of somethin’. Jake: Yeah. Now that you mention it. I couldn't agreed that you purred like a kitten, and growl like a tiger. Chance: And blowed like volcanos. (phone calls) Jake: Hey, it's Callie. Hey, Cutie. It's Jake Razor Clawson here, and my best assistant, Chance who's playing on a car. Callie (voice): Hey, Superman. I'm so glad to see you again. Jake: Certainly. Do you think that Feral keeps on a vex mood in a year? Callie (voice): Absolutely. Jake: For a long time, he will be. I'll think of somethin'. Callie (voice): (bashful) Aaaww, I'm sure if Mayor's gonna be okay for today. Because, Feral has so many special things to do for the happy fun time activities. Jake: I'm definitely agree with you, Miss Briggs. Any of the progress views that I can imagine we could think of? Callie (voice): He's good at making these choices. Jake: Much of our minds. As soon as possible that we could go for an awesome action and an awesome adventure, Eccetra eccetera eccetra. Callie (voice): Good, I'll be right back. Jake: Okay, Bye. (kiss) (hangs up the phone) See? I told you that I'm just a champion. Chance: I've got news for you, Mr. Jake. The truth about skipping is that Feral has major problems. Murray: Problems, guys? Maybe we can add to ‘em! (laughs) Burke: Hit it, Murray! Murray: This makes my day, Burke! Burke: They come a long way from bein’ pilots. Murray: A looooong way… down! (laughs) Sign here. Here’s your copy! We’ll tell Commander Feral you sent your love! (laughs) Adios, amigos! Jake: (imitating Murray) "This makes my day!" And you can't tell us what to do, We are volunteers, Nobody mess with us! (chuckles) I guess those dipsticks knew we built the Turbokat outta things like this. Chance: (imitating Murray) “This makes my day!”. (chuckles) If those dipsticks knew we built the Turbokat outta stuff like this. Jake: They’d cough up a hairball! (laughs) Modification! Can ya drop this baby under Callie's hood with a little modification, of course? Chance: Hey, check it out. We can drop this baby under Callie’s hood. With a little modification, of course. (laughs) Jake: And I think I found our new TV! Chance: (imitating Burke) Duuuh, Not to mention that Feral is going to be extremely upset that we wrecked the city! (stupidly laughs) Jake: Looks like Callie is taking good care of Mayor Manx for a cute time. Chance: Yeah, Except that Feral who doesn't get his own stuff back. Farmer: What’s goin’ on out here? Get away! Dr. Viper: I’ll teach you to tamper with my experiment! Farmer: (yelps) Dr. Viper: And now that you’ve had your breakfassst, it’s time to begin our commute into Megakat City, by ssssewer. (chuckles) Follow me! Manx: (finishing his speech) As Mayor of Megakat City, I am proud to dedicate this beautiful new park, which bears my name. Jake: Ahh, that Callie sure is pretty. Chance: Yeah, but she’ll be pretty mad if we don’t get her car running. Mad I tell you, Oh boy, I didn't see that one coming. Ann: (on TV) From the new Manx Municipal Park, this is Ann Gora for Kat’s Eye News. (back at the park) What in the-–? Quick, get a shot of that! Manx: (terrified) It’s every kat for himself! Camerman: (gasps) Callie: Better let me drive, Mayor! Manx: (apoplectic with terror) Just get me out of here! Callie: (screams) Jake / Chance: Hey, that’s Callie! Jake: Looks like she's in danger! Code Red! Callie: Out of my way, slimeball! Jake: Well, Chance, you know what to do. Jake / Chance: Let’s hit it! (They suit up as the SWAT Kats and fly off to the rescue.) Callie: Come on, Mayor! Hurry! Manx: (terrified gibberish) Feral: Relax, Mayor. The Enforcers are here now. Callie: (excited) So are the SWAT Kats! Razor: Looks like Callie’s safe. T-Bone: Not the way Feral flies! Feral: (via radio) Back off, you vigilantes! The authorities are handling this! Fire on my order! Razor: I don’t think that’s a good idea, Feral. We saw what happened when Callie hit it. Callie: He’s right! Feral: I’m in command here! T-Bone: I think he’s blown us off. Feral: Fire! Razor: Now he’s done it! Dr. Viper: (cackles) Those fools have given me three ways into Megakat Labsss! (hisses) Feral: Normal weapons won’t stop those monsters! Manx: You’ve> made that abundantly clear, Feral! Callie: They seem to be heading for the Megakat Biochemical Labs. We’d better get there first! Razor: Looks like she called us "Razorman and T-Boy". We love it a lot! T-Bone: Got a better theory what to throw at those guys? Razor: How ’bout Feral? Thanks to him we’ve got three to fight! T-Bone: Then how come I only see two!? Razor:> Hey, where’d the other one go? T-Bone: Use the X-Ray Beam! Razor: (in horror) Oh no, one’s going in the subway! T-Bone: Gotta move fast! Motorman: (gasps) Passengers: Whoooaaaa! (scream) Razor: (horrified) (gasps) ''Holy kats! T-Bone ''(horrified) ''Uh-oh, too late! Act Three Razor: So, it doesn’t like heat, huh? Maybe it’ll follow me onto this electrified rail and give itself a mega hotfoot! Bingo! Razor: T-Bone, what is cookin' down there? T-Bone: I dunno. Razor: Uh, how about you? T-Bone: What is all of that cookin’ down there? Razor: French-fried bacteria! T-Bonw: Rendezvous in t-minus five.. Razor: Katalina entrance. Three, two, one! T-Bone: Gotcha! The other two giant zits are closin’ in on Megakat Labs! Razor: I can handle ‘em. T-Bone: He went to the subway, He said that electrified rail and give itself an extremely hotfoot in a Rendezvous in t-minus five! Dr. Zyme: They appear to be giant bacteria. On such short notice, this is the best I could do. It contains the most powerful antibiotics known. Hopefully, it should stop them. Callie: It better work. Those things are heading right for us! Dr. Zyme: Don’t worry, Ms. Briggs! These windows are practically indestructible. Dr. Viper: While the bacteria wreak havoc, I will raid the labsss! Manx: I’m coming too! I don’t want to be around here if this stuff doesn’t work! Feral: You’re a coward, Manx. Manx: You don’t get to be Mayor for ten terms, without being cautious! Razor: Go ahead, T-Boy! T-Bone: Say ‘Ahhhh’! Razor: One Megavolt Missile, away! T-Bone: I thought you said this would work! Razor: Give it time. Five, four, three, two, one… T-Bone: Chaaaarrrge! Manx: The SWAT Kats took care of that one, Feral! Feral: And I’ll take care of the other! Got him! Dr. Zyme: It worked! Dr. Viper: You were always an arrogant fool, Dr. Zyme! My bacteria is immune to antibioticsss! Dr. Zyme: ''(screams) Razor: Crud! Looks like the bacteria is getting a mega revenge on us! T-Bone: No can do, Razorman, Time for another Megavolt Missile, buddy! Razor: Whoops! Guess I’m one short! T-Bone: Speak for yourself! Callie: You won’t get away with this, Dr. Viper! Dr. Viper: No, Ms. Briggsss. It’sss you who won’t get away! Callie: (screams) Razor / T-Bone: Callie! Razor: Lead him onto the bridge, then double back! Now! T-Bone: Game’s over, Dr. Viper! Dr. Viper: Ssstill one more play! Feral: Ms. Briggs, are you all right? Callie: Yes, thanks to the SWAT Kats. Whoever they are. Feral: Thanks to them, half of Megakat City is without power! Razor: Looks like this is going to get a looooong day. Awesome work, T-Boy! T-Bone: Hey, you know a better way to cook a giant bacteria? Even Burke and Murray have got a looooong day ahead of ‘em. I'm the best chef in the entire city. Category:SWAT Kats episode transcripts Category:Season 1 Category:1993